Why Healing Doesn’t Feel Like an “Overnight Success”

...and why that’s not a bad thing.

A few weeks ago, I found myself watching highlights from Coachella, and one moment in particular stuck with me: Charli XCX onstage, in full control, with the crowd screaming every lyric back to her.

To many people, it looked like she had finally arrived. A new star, exploding onto the scene.

But anyone who’s been paying attention knows: Charli XCX didn’t just “arrive.”
She’s been here. She’s been writing, producing, collaborating, and putting in the work for over a decade.

Her moment just finally caught up with her.

And it got me thinking: How often do we expect our own growth or healing to look like that kind of “overnight success”?

The Myth of Instant Transformation

Whether it’s personal development or professional success, most of us have internalized the idea that change should be fast. That there should be a clear turning point. A breakthrough moment. Something big and shiny that says:
“You’ve made it.”

But that’s not how healing — especially the kind that happens in your nervous system — actually works.

The reality is quieter. Slower. Often invisible.
It looks like:

• Saying “no” and not spiraling about it later

• Taking a breath before jumping in to fix or help

• Not overexplaining yourself in every email or text

• Feeling your shoulders relax without even noticing they were tense

These are the small shifts that signal real progress. But they don’t usually come with fanfare.

Why It Feels Like You’re Not Getting Anywhere (Even When You Are)

Many of my clients tell me, “I thought I’d be further along by now.”

It makes sense. Especially for people who’ve spent years overfunctioning — trying to be everything for everyone, doing the emotional labor, managing every detail.

You’ve worked so hard. You’ve thought your way through every scenario.
So where’s the peace? The payoff?

Here’s the truth:
If you’re used to pushing and performing, then healing will feel like doing nothing — at first.

Because real healing isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about doing differently. It’s about teaching your nervous system that it’s safe to rest, to feel, to not have all the answers.

And that kind of rewiring takes time.

Progress Isn’t Always Measurable

We’re conditioned to look for proof that we’re “doing it right”:
A raise. A milestone. A compliment. A relationship. A result.

But nervous system healing and breaking out of overthinking cycles don’t follow linear timelines. You might go weeks feeling more grounded — then get thrown off by one stressful email or old trigger.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human. And that you’re still in the work.

You Might Be in the Invisible Phase (And That’s Okay)

Remember: Charli XCX was doing all the things for years before most people knew her name.
She didn’t stop because the spotlight hadn’t found her yet.

And you shouldn’t stop just because it doesn’t feel like you’re making massive strides.

If you’re showing up, doing the internal work, setting boundaries, learning to listen to your body, unlearning old patterns — you’re doing the most important work there is.

It’s just not flashy.
It’s not “before and after” social media content.
But it’s real. And it’s going to build the foundation for a future that actually feels safe, spacious, and aligned.

You’re Doing the Work — Even If No One Sees It

So if you’re in that in-between space — where the old ways aren’t working anymore but the new ways don’t feel second nature yet — keep going.
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just in the quiet part of growth.

The part where it’s less about proving and more about becoming.
Where the shifts are subtle, but real.
Where success looks like softening. Saying no. Breathing deeper.

You don’t need a breakthrough moment to validate your healing.
You just need to keep showing up for yourself — one small, steady step at a time.